


The Path I've Chosen

by LaMira1995 (MissTwistedMind)



Series: The Road To Hell [4]
Category: Far Cry 3
Genre: Betrayal, Depression, Drug Use, Family Loss, M/M, Manipulation, Pain, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Content, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-04-03 08:00:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4093195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissTwistedMind/pseuds/LaMira1995
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jason has no chance to escape. Not only has he sacrificed his freedom in order to get his remaining friends and his brother Riley off the island, but also he has given Vaas more than enough power over himself. With no hope of seeing his friends or family again and with the guilt over all his losses weighing heavily on his shoulders, Jason has no other alternative than to accept the conditions of the devil holding his leash.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Heart Of Snow White

**Author's Note:**

> Remember what I told you about having a few chapters already written when I post the sequel to 'Long Way Home'? To hell with that! :D  
> This is the only chapter I've written so far, and it is twice as long as I intended it to be (dammit!), but... I don't know. I really didn't wanna wait.  
> That means that I can't guarantee regular updates, but I hope you're okay with it. 
> 
> Anything else I wanted to say? Nah, I guess I'm fine for now.
> 
> Thank you very much for reading! Of course I would appreciate if you would leave kudos or comments, but don't feel compelled to do so :)  
> For now, I just hope you like part two of Jason's story ;)
> 
> And for those of you who might wonder (probably no one :D ), yes, the line about slavery is from Dragon Age ;)

“You are late,” I said and stood quickly, and even though I did my best to sound annoyed, I could not keep the euphoria out of my voice at seeing Carlos jogging down the stairs.

He just snorted and shook his head, the grizzled hair swinging with the motion. It had gotten longer, and so had mine, and I wondered briefly how long I had already been on Rook Island. “Next time you can try to sneak past the guards.”

“I did this more than enough, as you may remember,” I retorted with a grin when Carlos came to a halt before me, the steel bars still separating us. “And I don't think you had to sneak past anybody.”

He laughed quietly. “You got me there. He has no one positioned at the doors anymore. I still have to be careful though. If anyone sees me, they will not hesitate to stab me in the back and tell our dear friend about it.”

“So you’re playing with fire, I see?”

He shrugged and groaned a little when he lowered himself to the ground. I followed suit and sat down next to the bars. “What the eye does not see, the heart does not grieve over. As long as Vaas doesn’t know about it, I should be safe.” He pulled the flask with water from his belt and handed it to me. I took it gratefully before taking a few sips. “I’m sorry I could not get you any more food, but they will get suspicious if I keep doing this.” Nodding in agreement, I let some water run over my hand and splashed my face and neck with it. “But I got you this,” he continued and won back my attention. He reached into the pouch on his hip and pulled something out of it, and it took me some time to register what it was.

“Chocolate!” I nearly squealed in delight when he tossed it to me. It was warm and a little bit molten; nevertheless my mouth filled with saliva at the mere sight of it. “Where did you get this?”

“The supplies they bring us do not only consist of alcohol and slaves,” he joked, but his smile faltered a little when he realized the truth of his statement.

“Thank you,” I said with a smile and he seemed glad for the change of topic when I spoke again. “When is Vaas going to be back?” I started unpacking the candy, broke a piece from it and put it in my mouth. The sweet flavor spread on my tongue almost immediately and I tried to savor it for as long as possible. When was the last time I had eaten candy? Probably before our trip to Bangkok.

“Tomorrow or the day after; depends on how long the new leader of the privateers will keep him on the south island.”

I swallowed before speaking again. “I am surprised Vaas didn’t take Hoyt’s place. He could have had both islands for himself. Now he must subordinate himself to new rules again.”

“Nah, I’m glad the way it is now,” Carlos said with a sigh, “Hoyt may have been an evil fucker, but he got shit done at least. Vaas lacks the certain… I don’t know… business sense? With him more hostages would get killed than sold. Does that make sense?” he looked to me through the bars and I raised my brows.

“I guess it does. I’m just wondering if this is really better than the alternative.”

“Some things are worse than slavery,” he said and I held another piece of chocolate in my hands.

“Some things are worse than death,” I retorted sharply.

With a huff he stretched his arms in front of his body. “And still you didn’t kill yourself.” The urge to justify myself and tell him that I had no other choice was strong, but I didn’t want to anger him. After all, he was my only companion and maybe the closest thing that came to a friend on this island. I broke another piece from the chocolate and handed it to him, but he declined with a wave of his hand. “Nah, thanks, I don’t eat chocolate.”

“Oh my god,” I answered with a laugh, “how can anybody _not_ eat chocolate?” The look on his face was gone as quickly as it had come; he turned his face away, but I could still catch the sadness in his eyes for a brief moment and wondered if I had brought up a touchy subject.

“I just don’t like it,” he evaded my question and I left it at that.

The silence stretched between us, and while it was not quite uncomfortable, I felt the need to break it ‘cause this was my only chance to get any information about what was happening. “What exactly is Vaas doing?”

“He’s on the South Island, participating on the negotiations there,” he answered with a yawn. His eyes glanced to the barred window, the darkness outside only pieced by small lights.

I rolled my shoulders and stretched my limbs, the muscles aching from sitting in this uncomfortable position on the ground for too long. “What are they negotiating about?”

“Hoyt and Vaas had a steady concept about how things would work,” he said. “How the money was split, how much influence Vaas had on the South Island, things like that. With the changeover of power, all these things have to be discussed again.”

I had to snort. “I bet this new guy will have a lot of fun with Vaas.”

“Guy?” Carlos laughed. I looked at him in confusion until he shook his head and grinned. “Wrong gender.”

I didn’t understand right away, but then I could not hold back the laughter of disbelief. “A woman?” Carlos nodded, and I wondered what she had to be like with a whole lot of privateers and pirates under her. “She has to have even bigger balls than Hoyt.”

“Absolutely,” Carlos answered with a chuckle before falling silent again. Seemingly in thought, he shrugged and looked at me again. “But what I know is that Vaas is always in a bad mood when he returns from the meetings and believe me, you don’t want to be on his bad side on those days.”

“Fortunately I’m always on his good side,” I could not keep the incisive tone out of my voice, and even Carlos had to chuckle. I had nearly finished the chocolate, the last piece of it melting between my fingers before I put it into my mouth and licked the digits clean.

“Anyway, I have to get back to catch some sleep.” He put one hand on the floor and the other one on the bars so he could stand up. I watched as he straightened himself, his bones cracking, and again I wondered how old he was. When he took back the flask, I voiced my question. “Fifty-two. Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know. I guess it’s hard for me to imagine that anyone could survive for such a long time here.”

“I didn’t. I came to Rook only a few years ago. I had a normal life before.”

“And you gave this up for this?” I asked incredulously.

“Didn’t you do the same?” he retorted.

“I didn’t chose to be here. I didn't do it for money or drugs or whatever,” I hissed angrily, “I had to save my family.”

“ _And so did I_!” he yelled back, before he cast a quick glance to the window. Much quieter he added, “In a way at least.” Carlos turned away and ruffled his hair before I could say anything else, and the short moment of silence helped us to ease the tension. I stood up from the ground when he started pacing, but suddenly he stopped and shook his head. Without meeting my eyes, he said, “I have to leave now. I’ll see if I can come back tomorrow.”

“Carlos!” I stopped him before he could reach the stairs. I was not sure what exactly was wrong. All I knew was that we both were angry and that I had no idea why. “I’m sorry,” I said all the same and when he turned to me, I could see the hurt on his face again.

“Don’t sweat it,” he said, but I really didn’t have the feeling that it was okay.

* * *

 

The next night he didn’t come, and I felt miserable both because I had been alone nearly the whole day and because I really didn’t want to hurt him. Even though he was one of the pirates, I got the feeling that he belonged here as much as I did.

They day went by even slower than normal and it got even worse when the guy who brought me my food while Vaas wasn’t there spat in my meal. Torn between eating it anyway and leaving it, I decided that I had gotten my fair share of bodily fluids while I had been on the island and that I had to be infected with all kinds of diseases by now. A little saliva wouldn’t kill me. Hopefully.

In the night I had stayed awake and waited for the Doc, but when he didn’t come, I went to bed disappointedly. Maybe Vaas had come back and Carlos couldn’t risk to be caught?

It turned out how right I was with this assumption the next day. It was hot. Not unbearable; there had been worse days. But the temperature was high enough for me to get rid of the wife beater I had to wear normally. I was doing sit-ups when I heard the door to the basement open. It was much too early for someone to bring me food, and when I laid back down to look over my head I could barely hold back the groan.

Vaas walked down the stairs, and while he seemed to be in a good mood today, the bamboo stick in his hand really did worry me.

“Such a wonderful day,” he called out joyfully and jumped down the last steps, “and you are sitting down here like a real couch potato, Jason. No wonder you have no friends. Get out there. Socialize. Mingle!” I rolled my eyes inconspicuously and got up from the ground. Sweat was running down my forehead and I wiped it away with the back of my hand while Vaas came over to my cell. I felt the uncomfortable feeling that always accompanied his presence creep down my spine, but tried my best not to let him notice. When I heard the clicking sound of the key being turned in the lock, I raised my head and found him standing there, leaning against the bars. “Come out.”

I raised my brow. The questions mark must have been visible on my face. “I would rather not.”

Vaas grinned at me and shifted his position. I noticed that the bandages were not there anymore. “You want to stay in your cell?” I didn’t answer, and he tilted his head to the side when he got no reaction out of me, still staring at me intensively. “Ever heard of learned helplessness?”

I did. In the late 1960s a guy called Seligman had performed experiments on dogs which were exposed to pain by electric shocks. They were put into a small cage and forced to endure the torture. With no chance to stop the pain or escape their prisons, they were so convinced they could not change their situation, that they didn’t even try to leave the electrified cages at the end of the experiment when the door had been opened.

I huffed in response to his statement and crossed my arms in front of my naked chest. “There is a difference between learned helplessness and stupidity,” I said with a glance at the bamboo stick.

He followed my gaze and turned his hand to examine the cane, as if he only realized now that he was carrying it. Then he looked back up at me and his smirk had gotten even wider. “I’m not going to hit you with that.”

“How reassuring.” I didn’t know if it was wise to mouth off like this, but it wasn’t as if Vaas was the most trustworthy person on the whole island. He didn’t seem to care though when he gave me a half-hearted shrug.

“You can stay in there, Snow White, but I promise that you’re going to regret it. After all, there is someone who would really like to see you.” With that Vaas stepped aside, letting me past if I wanted to. I was terrified of what – or whom – I might find when I went upstairs with him. Part of me wanted to just stay down here and avoid whatever Vaas had in mind for me, but I knew that it would not go unpunished if I did. So I forced myself to step forward, with my heart thudding wildly in my chest. After all, this was the first time I got out of my cell after our escape. Maybe I could even find a chance to slip away when nobody was watching, even though I doubted that.

I passed the door and almost jumped out of my skin when Vaas straightened himself up, but he was true to his word and didn’t strike out. Instead I only had to stand the bemused chuckle from him at my frightened reaction.

He led me up the stairs, but my gaze got caught by the gun strapped to his belt on his right side. How long would it take to wrench it from the straps and shoot that motherfucker in the head? It was no serious consideration of course, and before I could even reach for it and do anything out of desperation and lack of other options, we reached the top of the stairs and he opened the door. Sun hit my face and my upper body when Vaas stepped aside, and I shielded my eyes from the bright light with my arm. Like the true gentleman he was, the pirate leader held the door open for me and I followed him outside hesitantly. The cane in his hand still troubled me and I was afraid he might lash out the second I turned my back to him, but again my fears were unfounded when he simply let the door fall closed behind of me and went ahead to lead me through the compound.

The heat was not quite unbearable, but the sun was burning hot on my skin. I had to bite back a grimace when I remembered my mom chiding me as a kid for not using sun blocker when I went swimming, coming back in the evenings with ugly looking sunburn. Still, after such a long time in that cell, I could not remember a better feeling than enjoying the warmth together with a nice breeze caressing the skin. A smile pulled at my lips from the smell coming with the wind; sweat from too many men working in the sun, but also the sea and something that was clearly the jungle. I had not known I had grown so accustomed to it, but with only the smell of rot and piss in the basement, it was nice to breathe the island again. I felt the overwhelming need for my bow - to sit in the high grass and wait for the prey, to shoot and kill – but it was wiped out as quickly as it had come when Vaas suddenly stopped dead in his tracks before me.

I nearly stumbled into him, but luckily I could catch my footing. So deep in thought I had not realized why we stopped, but then I looked ahead and nearly felt my blood run cold. Carlos was kneeling on the ground, gagged, his upper body naked and his hands bound to a pole on an empty bamboo cage. The tips of his grayish hair were wet, and drops of sweat ran down his torso and soaked the waistband of his pants.

Only now I realized Vaas was watching me, and I did my best to control my reaction. He was grinning when I met his eyes defiantly, and I got the feeling that I should have stayed in the cell.

“So, Jason… you know what this is about?” he asked with a chuckle.

“I have no idea,” I answered and didn’t even try to hide the lie behind my words. As if he would believe it.

He made a disapproving noise and walked over to doc, who visibly tensed when the pirate approached and took the gag out of his mouth. Vaas raised the cane and I was sure he would hit him, but then he just traced the end of it over Carlos’ naked skin. “What about you? You have any idea why we’re here?”

He didn’t even hesitate before he answered. “Because I disregarded your orders.”

“Which were?” Vaas asked and stepped back, returning his gaze to me.

“To not have any contact to Snow White while you are away.”

I crossed my arms before my chest. “And still you paid White Boy here little visits when you thought no one was watching?”

Again, without missing a beat he answered, “Yes, I did.”

Vaas shook his head, the smile gone, and crouched down next to Carlos. His voice had a threatening tone when he spoke. “Did you really think I would not hear of it just because there were no guards positioned to watch Snow White?” He leaned even closer and I had to strain my ears to understand him. “I would have thought you were smarter. But I also thought that you of all people wouldn’t betray me.”

“I didn’t-,” the doc replied, but Vaas broke him off with a slap on the back of his head, putting the gag back in his mouth only a moment later.

“Shut up.” He rose to his feet, annoyance clearly radiating from him. A had to keep myself from stumbling backwards when he strode over to me, predatory gleam in his eyes, but then he stopped right in front of me and I fixed my gaze at a point over his left shoulder. “Still nothing to say?”

While my pride told me to defend Carlos and take the blame for him, I could not bring myself to do it. I kept my face blank and shook my head. “No.”

He huffed and I could not quite decide what this meant, but then he turned his back to me and faced Carlos. Many of Vaas’ men had watched this show from the distance when it began, and only now I realized that they had gathered and come closer. “You’re lucky, Carlos, that I like you,” Vaas said and brought my attention back to him. “Otherwise I would have killed you already.” He walked over to the cage and leaned against it, his gaze still on the other man when he shrugged. “But punishment has to be. How else could I trust you again if you don’t pay for you misbehavior.” I bit the inside of my cheek when Vaas pushed away and took the cane in both hands. I could feel the other pirates around us tense as well when Vaas came closer again, but no one even dared to move. “What do you think, Snow White?”

_I think you should go fuck yourself_ , I thought but didn’t say it. I wondered briefly when the moment had come that I would rather shut up than retort. Instead I raised my chin in defiance and held his gaze. I would not give him the satisfaction of an answer.

However, he seemed to be content with my silence when he tilted his head to the side. “I know that it’s not really your fault what Carlos did, but still… I get the feeling that you are at least a little bit responsible for what he did.” He walked around me and I was more than a little nervous when he disappeared from my field of vision, but I would be damned if I let him know that. Luckily he came into view on my right side again without incident. He stopped right there, shoulder to shoulder with me and his gaze on Carlos. I felt him shrug. “So I thought it would only be fair if you decide about what is going to happen.”

I turned my head and looked at him questioningly, and as an answer Vaas beckoned one of his men closer. A guy stepped forward, and only when he tilted his head a little bit to the side I saw that half of his face was burned off. My heart skipped a beat when I let my eyes trace over the angry red scars. Some parts of the skin were still open, the flesh underneath a rosy pink, others were darker with scab forming over the wound. I stared at him with both pity and disgust, until I realized that I was being watched too.

“You remember this guy, Snow White?” Vaas, who still stood beside me, asked. The pirate with the burnt face glared at me, his lips tightly closed and looking even thinner. I furrowed my brow, searching my memory for his face, but came up with nothing. It was not as if I had time to study the pirates I encountered.

“I’m sorry,” I said without meaning it.

Vaas only chuckled, and he left my side in favor of strolling over to the guy. He slung his arms around his shoulder like an old friend, and while the guy didn’t seem to be quite comfortable with it, he did nothing to push Vaas away. “That’s sad, ‘cause I bet Irish here,” he pointed to him, “remembers you very well. As well as all these other fuckers here.” He looked around and I followed his gaze warily, realizing that Irish was not the only one looking at me like he wanted to rip my throat out. It was not as if I had thought anyone would be happy about my presence, but the pure hatred radiating from the group made me feel more than uneasy. And I didn’t notice it before, but it struck me as I let my eyes wander through the ranks; all of these guys were injured in some way.

I could see a guy who was missing his arm and another one who must have lost an ear, probably by a bullet grazing his skull. One pirate had a dark red stripe over his throat. Someone must have tried to slice him open.

Scars, missing body parts, open wounds.

I had never really seen the damage I had done to them.

Normally they just died.

“So?” I asked, chin raised high.

Vaas came over to me with great strides, and I didn’t know whether it was his grin that made me shudder or the wind cooling the sweat on my skin. “So,” he echoed and stopped within arm’s reach, “I just wanted to know who’s responsible for this little inconvenience with Carlos.” He took another step towards me and I was sure that what he said next must have been lost to everyone else. “I wanted to know,” he whispered, close enough for me to feel his breath on my face, “who do _you_ blame?”

He leaned back a little, and I wasn’t aware that I had held my breath until my lungs began to hurt. I lowered my gaze to the ground and did my best to focus on anything else than the man before me, but unfortunately Vaas didn’t seem pleased with the lack of attention. He kicked me in the shin with his boot, not as hard as he could have and probably not even hard enough to leave a real bruise, but still I couldn’t stop the groan of pain that left my lips. “Are you listening, Snow White? Hm?”

“Yes,” I answered between clenched teeth, but didn’t look up.

I didn’t need to though, when he held the cane he had brought with him under my nose. “So, if you tell me it was dear Carlos there, who decided to come down to you on his own,” Vaas nodded in his direction, “he will be hit… let’s say… ten times with this cane?” I looked up at him, and something must have shown on my face because he snorted softly. “Or, being the hero and all, you can take the blame yourself and tell me that you convinced him to come down there every night.”

“And?” I asked and furrowed my brow.

“And you will be punished instead of him. _But_ ,” he raised his voice when I tried to answer, “I figured it would be much more interesting, if my boys get to decide what will happen to you. Of course they will have the honor of dealing the punishment themselves.” He looked over his shoulder to his men and then back to me, and when our gazes met I could see the gleam in his eyes. “They look really forward to it.”

I risked peeking over his shoulder as well. The guy, Irish, was still standing where Vaas had left him, but it seemed like the others had gotten closer. If they looked mad before, I didn’t know what to call them now. But somehow I got the feeling that they would not only beat me with a stick.

“Now, Jason, who do you blame?” he asked and could barely contain the excitement in his voice.

I clenched my fists at my side, anger making my throat feel tight. As if I had a fucking choice! These guys would rip me to shreds if I gave them the chance, and Vaas would probably make sure that they would not kill me, just so that he could enjoy his sick pleasure a little longer.

“You are crazy,” I whispered and he stepped closer again, making me flinch.

“I want an answer, Snow White. And if I don’t get one until I’ve counted to three, you don’t need to worry your pretty-boy head about Carlos anymore. One,” he raised his index finger, “Two.”

“It was Carlos,” I said ruefully, anger and guilt weighing each other out and forming a lump in my throat. I looked away so I wouldn’t have to see Vaas’ grin when he raised the cane and handed it to me. Goosebumps rose on my skin, my blood felt suddenly too cold in my veins. I tried to convince myself that I didn’t own Carlos anything, but the only thing I could concentrate on was the smooth and light feeling of the stick in my hand.

“Then go ahead. Correct his behavior.” I saw Carlos shift on the ground from the corner of my eye, his muscles flexing with the motion. He was bound to the cage by a single length of rope, which forced his hands and arms over his head, and he was silenced with a dirty stripe of cloth in his mouth. I didn’t even realize I had been staring until Vaas touched my shoulder. I flinched away from the contact, nearly stumbling over my own feet.

Slowly I looked down at the cane in my hand, then back up at him. “What if I don’t do it?”

“Then I will,” he said. Carlos made a noise, and even though it was muffled by the gag, he sounded horrified.

I tightened my hold on the cane, giving away my decision, and Vaas nodded towards Carlos. My feet felt like they were made out of cement when I walked over to him, while Vaas turned to his men and said something I couldn’t catch. I met Irish’s eyes, and he looked more than angry before he turned away and left.

I glanced down at Carlos, and as if he had felt my gaze on him, he looked up at me. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry, but the sound of footsteps told me Vaas was coming closer. He gave me a nod and closed his eyes again, exhausted.

“You’re going to count, Snow White, loud and clearly. Understood?”

I lowered my head and took a deep breath before I stepped closer. Vaas was still standing beside us, and I could see him from the corner of my eye.

My palms were sweaty. I could feel it when I raised the cane and struck Carlos’ naked back. The wail of pain that followed was nearly as loud as the crack when the stick crashed onto his skin. “One,” I said and was surprised my voiced sounded so calm and steady.

His muscles tensed before the next blow. I swung the cane down at him, a little farther under the spot I had hit him the first time. He gasped, but remained silent otherwise. “Two.”

Red streaks appeared on his skin. His head hung low between his shoulders and a shudder ran through his body.

_I’m so sorry._

Another one. “Three.”

And another one. “Four.” This time I hit the exact same spot from the first blow. Skin split open and a few drops of blood trickled down his back, mixing with the sweat. I watched them running down his body, and only now I realized he was shaking.

I could hear my heartbeat in my own ears, but apart from that the whole camp seemed to hold its breath. The sun was burning hot on my skin and I felt dizzy from the heat. I wanted to stop, to end this now, but I knew Vaas wouldn’t allow that. My arms felt weak, and hesitation made the next blow to light to even leave a mark. Carlos flinched and I said, “Five,” through my teeth nevertheless.

Still, I knew what Vaas was about to say before he even opened his mouth. “No. This one doesn’t count,” he spoke and I raised my eyes, “You have to hit harder.”

_You can’t be serious._

I wondered if I would achieve anything by objecting, but before I could protest I saw Carlos nod from the corner of my eye. When I looked down at him, our eyes met for only a second, but there was something in his expression telling me not to make this worse. I blinked, and when I looked at him again, his head hang low between his shoulders again.

I swallowed my pride, raised the cane and struck again. Carlos howled through the gag. “Five,” I said again without emotion, and this time Vaas stayed silent.

_That’s what he got for helping me._

The crack of the sixth blow was the loudest. Again, skin split open. “Six.”

_Like Grant._

_My brother had wanted to help me. And he got killed._

“Seven.”

_Because of me._

“Eight.” Carlos’ skin was covered with marks, white in the middle where the stick had hit, and red all around the irritated skin. In some spots the lines crossed each other, and that were the parts where the blood was steadily running down his back.

“Nine.” I cleared my throat. Carlos made no sounds anymore, but he writhed every time I struck.

I concentrated on the last blow, so it would neither be too light nor to hard. “Ten,” I whispered, and Carlos slumped down as soon as the word had left my mouth, the bindings groaning under the added weight. I tore my eyes from him when I heard someone approaching. Two of Vaas’ men came closer and I stepped back when they untied him from the cage. Each of them slung one of his arms over their shoulders, raising the nearly unconscious doctor from the ground and carrying him away before I could do anything.

Vaas came up beside me. I could feel the heat from his skin.

“How do you feel, Snow White?” he asked and I could hear the grin in his voice.

The men vanished into a building together with Carlos, and I could only hope that they were treating his wounds instead of torturing him further. “Fuck you,” I said, but it lacked real heat.

He chuckled. “It just funny, you know. If that’s how you treat your friends…”

I whirled around, barely able to refrain myself from lashing out. “It is your fault,” I growled at his face. “You made me do it!”

“Oh no, Jason,” he said, still grinning, but otherwise completely unfazed by my rage. I wanted him to be angry, to hit me, to make me pay, anything, but he was just standing there, absolutely calm. How was that possible? What happened to the man who had poured gasoline over my skin? “You could have chosen to take the punishment yourself.”

“You know this was not an option,” I hissed through my teeth, but he snorted.

“It was,” he answered. “But you decided against it. It was your choice, now face the consequences.”

Vaas rolled his shoulders and walked past me, and I stared at his back with the cane still in my hand. Suddenly he turned around again. He looked at his men, who were still standing in a semi-circle around us, as if he had realized only now that they were watching us.

“WHY ARE YOU STILL STANDING THERE? DON’T YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO?” he screamed and I was sure I was not the only one who jumped at his sudden outburst. His men were quick to jump into action and leave the scene, the volume within the area all of the sudden increasing again. “And you!” he said and pointed his finger at me. “If you try to leave the camp, I gonna rip off you balls.”


	2. To Die Fighting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as some of you have noticed, I haven't worked on this story for a while. But after I recieved a bunch of comments from you lovely people, I thought I would give it another shot. I'm not sure how well that works, and I'm not really satisfied with the result, but I'll treat this as some kind of warm-up. Anyways, let me know what you think (or maybe not, because I don't know if I can stand the criticism right now xD).
> 
> Thanks for reading, leaving kudos and commenting. You're as awesome as always!

I didn’t know how long I just stood there, in the middle of Vaas’ camp, the bloody bamboo stick still clutched tightly in my hand. Everyone else seemed to have gone back to their earlier tasks, minding their own business and leaving me completely alone.

The silly thought of returning to my cell overcame me, but I would not give Vaas this kind of satisfaction, especially since this was the first time I could explore the area without getting shot at or being chased any other way. Even after the Rakyat had, according to Citra, taken over the small island and Vaas’ camp after his ‘death’, I couldn’t bring myself to investigate it further.

The sun was burning on my skin and I felt sweat drip from my hair and run down my upper body. I went back to the building I had come from, but not to go back inside, but to lean the cane against the wall next to the door. When I straightened my back again, I realized I was being watched. The pirates threw glances at me when they thought I wasn’t looking – some of them seemed to be really pissed off; but some sick part of me was also satisfied to see the fear behind their masks. I had probably killed many of their friends, with luck maybe even family, and now I was running around in their territory and there was nothing they could do about it.

Still, I knew that this would change sooner or later. They could easily outnumber and overpower me if they wanted or if I tried anything stupid. That Vaas let me run around for a bit didn’t change the fact that I was still being held hostage.

I wiped the sweat from my neck again and looked around. There were men carrying wooden planks to some carts standing near the front gate - maybe they were planning on rebuilding the outposts the Rakyat (or I) had destroyed. I strode over to them, feeling pretty naked without a gun or any weapon at all, but I held my head high when I approached them to not show them my discomfort. Not so much as a glance was directed towards me, and I stopped a few feet away from them to keep my distance.

“So, Cupcake,” I flinched when someone put a hand on my shoulder from behind me. When I turned, I recognized Benjamin, the pirate who had captured me. He had a nasty looking gash under his left eye, the flesh an angry pink color. “Tell me, what did you do to earn your freedom? Suck Vaas’ dick?”

I wondered how much it would hurt him if I hit him right where cut was. But instead I turned my back on him. “Guess I was lucky.”

“So, whatcha gonna do now?”

He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered me one. I declined with a wave of my hand. “Are you asking for my escape plans?”

He shrugged and fumbled with the lighter. “The Boss would skin you if you tried.”

I gave a snort. “As if he needed an excuse for that.” We watched the other pirates for a moment, before I took a deep breath through my nose. “Do you know what happened to my brother and friends?” I looked at him questioningly. “Did they escape?”

His grin bothered me. He gave another shrug. “Dunno.”

“Really?” I asked, though I knew the answer already. His grin got wider, but he didn’t reply. Instead he threw the not even half-smoked cigarette to the ground and stomped it out with his boot.

“Maybe you should ask Vaas.” When he passed me, he gave a slap on the back. I looked after him.

“Yeah, what a great idea.”

I turned my attention back to the working pirates for a moment, but I felt too much on edge to hold still for this long. Though I was out of the cell, I felt even more caged than before, and I felt the first stirrings of a panic attack rise within me. Vaas had told me not to leave the camp, but I wasn’t keen on sitting around like a dog waiting for a bone to chew on. So I walked over to the front gate, but before I could even set one foot outside, an Ak47 was firmly pressed against my chest. I stopped dead in my tracks and looked over to the pirate it belonged to. He was leaning against the wall nonchalantly, holding the rifle in his hand like it wasn’t more than a stick. He held my gaze, and though he wasn’t in a fighting stance, it felt like this could get nasty pretty quickly. I waited for a few heartbeats, but when it came apparent that he wasn’t going to let me through, I stepped back. Right then he lowered the gun and looked away, almost as if I wasn’t there.

I wondered what he’d do if I just made a break for it. Shoot me? Of course there was no guarantee, but I got the feeling Vaas wouldn’t approve of it. I didn’t want to test my luck, though, and so I turned back to the camp, crossed the yard like I was just taking a stroll, and made my way over to the buildings to disappear behind them and check the perimeter wall. Maybe I could find a hole in it or a part low enough so I could climb over-

I came to a sudden halt when I noticed someone following me. I had disappeared from sight, so I expected to see the pirate from the gates or even Vaas to make sure I wouldn’t try to escape, but when I turned, the man with the half burned face stood before me. He had three other guys with him, and I felt very much reminded of my youth, when Keith had annoyed enough people that one of them had decided to smash our teeth in.

But Keith wasn’t here now, and I was sure this would end worse than with a few broken bones and a stay in hospital. These guys were definitely not here to talk.

“Hey, guys”, I said and only now I noticed that I had maneuvered myself into a dead end between the buildings and the wall. “I was just checking… if the wall was sturdy enough to withstand an attack.” I ran my hand over the concrete and gave it a light knock, before shrugging. “Looks good to me. If you’d excuse me now…”

I tried to squeeze past them, but because this was Rook and bellicosity seemed to be a part of the job description, one of the guys just had to throw himself at me. It lacked both finesse and strategy, and I sidestepped his idea of an attack before catching the next guy’s fist with both of my hands. I used the momentum of the blow and thrust my foot into his belly, the pirate doubling over in pain. The victory was short-lived though, when someone grabbed me from behind. His arm was slung around my neck, cutting off my airflow. I tried to free myself from his grip, but the next pirate already charged me. So I held on tightly to the bicep on my throat, send a quick prayer heavenwards and jumped off the ground, legs stretched to meet the attacker. It didn’t go as well as planned; both I and my captor went tumbling to the ground, but not before I could knock the guy rushing towards us off his feet.

I tried to get out from under the guy who had held me – Irish, as I realized now – but he grabbed my leg and held onto it for dear life. I could cast a quick glance around – one guy on the ground, the second holding his stomach and the third still on his feet, but with a look that clearly said he didn’t want to end up like his fellows. I paid for the moment of inattention immediately, as Irish seemed to gather his will. He grabbed my hair, pulled my head up and-

I felt the dull pain from the impact on the back of my head. He lifted my head again and smashed it back to the ground, and again; but this time I gathered enough determination to fight against the blow. With one hand I grabbed his arm, with the other, and I knew I was playing cheap but this was the law of the jungle, I reached for burned and scarred side of his face. He gave a howl of pain when I pressed my thumb into the open flesh, and I used his inability to defend himself to release his grip on my hair. Before he could do anything else, I had smashed his nose with a swift upward thrust of the heel of my free hand. The crunch of splintering bone was both disgusting and satisfying, and he howled and wailed enough that I could crawl out from under him.

The blood was running freely from his nose, and his attempt to stop it only made it worse. I stood up from the ground and looked to the other guys, who were looking back and forth between the two of us, but didn’t try to attack me again.

Irish seemed to have something different in mind, though. Fueled by his rage, he stood up with a growl, and I took a fighting stance in order to prepare for the oncoming attack.

But it didn’t come to that.

“What. The. FUCK?” My blood froze in my veins, as I turned to see Vaas standing a few feet behind me. He was breathing heavily, like it took all of his strength not to shoot all those present immediately.

Great. I got not only ambushed by his stupid henchmen, but now I also had to deal with the crazy lunatic himself. I tried to come up with any rational thought why he shouldn’t beat the shit out of me, when I realized that for once I wasn’t the reason for his fury.

“Do you have a hearing problem?” he snarled with his focus on Irish. “If I tell you not to harm a hair on this shit’s head, it shouldn’t be this hard to get that into your thick skull, should it?!” I didn’t dare to move, and the other three guys seemed to think the same. Irish was still trying to stop the bleeding from his crooked nose, his anger now directed at the pirate leader.

“He’s responsible for this,” he motioned to his face, “He should pay for it!”

“And I told you ‘no’.” Vaas growled right back. I swallowed, clenched and unclenched my fist. I was sure that another word from Irish could lead to more than a broken nose if he dared to open his mouth again. Vaas remained still, though, looming like a predator before them. It seemed like an eternity before he moved again, stepping aside and motioning to where he came from with his head. “Get back to your posts.”

I released the breath I had been holding when the pirates began to move. I watched them pass by me, not quite convinced that they wouldn’t try anything stupid, but fortunately they seemed to be smart enough not to anger Vaas further.

I watched them leave the small alley, and with a sudden jolt I realized that I was probably alone with Vaas now. But when I looked back, his attention was still focused on Irish, who hadn’t moved one bit. “You heard me,” Vaas threatened. His hand moved to the holster of his gun, and he drew it slowly, as if he was giving Irish the chance to come to his senses. “I’m not going to repeat myself.”

I wondered if maybe I should leave, too, when Irish shook his head and came towards us. It looked like he was about to follow the order, until he lunged at Vaas all of the sudden. He thrust the gun out of the pirate’s hand, and it was obvious that Vaas had not expected the assault. Before he could do anything, Irish had driven his closed fist into Vaas’ stomach, and the man doubled over in pain with a howl. I was frozen in shock when I watched Irish grab his leader’s throat, forcing him upright and pushing him backwards until he was pressed against a building’s wall. Vaas tried to hit back, but he couldn’t get a good grip on his attacker and a moment later Irish was cutting off his airflow with both hands. I could hear Vaas gasp for air when Irish tightened his grip.

It must have been a mental blackout. I hadn’t even realized that I was moving, but when I did, I was already reaching for the abandoned handgun on the ground. It felt like autopilot - I strode over to the fighting men, released the safety latch, grabbed Irish by the hair to pull his head back and- pulled the trigger.

His body dropped to the ground. The ringing in my ears only made my headache worse.

Vaas inhaled great gulps of air. He stumbled backwards, and when his back hit the wall, he slid to the ground and closed his eyes. “Fuck,” he rasped. I was breathing as heavily as he was, and my legs felt a little shaky. A moment later he opened his eyes again and fixed me with his stare. “Drop it,” he commanded, and I didn’t know what he was talking about until I remembered the gun in my hand. I clicked the safety latch back into place and put the gun on the ground, right when a group of pirates appeared around the corner of the building.

“Hands in the air!” one of them yelled, pointing his gun at me.

I knew how this must have looked, and I was about to follow the order when Vaas held his own hand in the air. “It’s okay,” he said and cleared his throat. “It wasn’t Snow White. For once.” He threw a glance at me for a second before he closed his eyes again. The other pirates lowered their guns hesitantly, obviously trying to figure out what had happened.

After a moment Vaas took another deep breath and opened his eyes. He raised his wife beater over his stomach, revealing the bloody bandages underneath. “Fuck,” he swore, and kicked Irish’s dead body, “Get this shit out of my sight. Feed him to the dogs or whatever.”

Almost immediately two of the guys jumped into action, and I watched them carry off the body, wondering if that was really what happened to the remains of the people who died here. There was a thought that came involuntarily to my mind, but I tried to push it away.

I already knew that they wouldn’t have buried him anyway.

The rest of the group remained at Vaas’ side, one of them helping him stand up. As soon as he was on his feet, Vaas shoved the guy away and instead leaned his back against the wall again. “Let this be a warning; if anyone lays so much as a finger on Snow White without my permission, they will be glad if it ends as quickly for them as it did for this fuck.” He used his free hand to apply pressure to the wound. “And now fuck off.”

I was about to leave with the others, when Vaas called me back. “Snow White, you stay here.” Sighing internally, I turned to him. “Come here,” he said. I knew that disobeying would only get me a harsher punishment. I stopped beside him, while he was still trying to look under the bandages. “Does it really have to be today of all days that Carlos is not available?” he murmured to himself and wiped the sweat from his forehead, smearing the blood from his hand over his skin instead. He looked up from his wound, his gaze full of anger. “Why can’t I leave you alone for five minutes, hm?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I didn’t start it.”

He exhaled loudly and shook his head. “One day, you’re going to get me killed.”

I was counting on it.

He pushed himself off the wall with a groan. “Get me to the infirmary. I’ll need fresh stuff for bandaging and something to calm me down.”

“What?” I asked unintelligently. Vaas gave me one of his looks.

“I didn’t ask you to carry me there, Jason,” he said as if it had been obvious, “Just make sure I’ll get there." He started walking, his hand still on his stomach, and I followed along. “What were you doing back here anyway?”

I followed him along the path between the buildings back to the front yard, where the guards kept eyeing me suspiciously. “Um… taking a piss?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said, and then stopped in his tracks. “Listen, Snow White.” I stopped too, and swallowed nervously when I saw his glare. He came closer, all signs of pain vanished from his face. “I granted you a privilege by letting you out of your cell; that doesn’t mean that I can’t take that favor away just as quickly. For all I care you can rot down there if you try to fuck me over. ”

I held his stare until he turned and started walking again. A little unsure I tumbled after him. “Why did you let me out in the first place, then?”

He shrugged, at least as much as he could with one hand pressed tightly on his stomach. “What worth is a trophy if you don’t show it around?”

“I’m not a trophy.” He gave a soft laugh, but didn’t comment on it further. We had reached the infirmary, and he opened the door with a groan. I couldn’t help but whistle when I stepped in behind him. “Wow, it looks… reputable.” There were at least ten beds with these privacy curtains from the hospitals. Everything looked really sterile, unlike the rest of Vaas’ camp. At the far end of the room were cabinets stocked with medical stuff - syringes, bandages, meds and such – and another door that led to an area that was probably used for surgery.

“What did you think? That we treat wounds with healing herbs and singing?” He furrowed his brow. “You’ve spent too much time with my sister.” He walked over to the cabinets. While he was searching for something in there, I looked around, until a noticed that one of the curtains was closed around the bed closest to said cabinets.

Carlos…

“Say,” Vaas interrupted my thoughts, “What happened to her?”

I turned to him. He sat down on the bed opposite from Carlos’, his hands full of bandages. “Hm?”

“My sister,” he clarified as he pulled his shirt over his head. Carefully he removed the old bandage from his stomach. The wound was still bleeding a little, but the stitches looked mostly intact. Vaas tried to open the packing of the gauze pad, but with the blood on his hands it slipped away again and again. His patience was wearing thin, until suddenly he swore and lowered his upper body down to the bed with a pained groan. “Fuck this shit”, he swore again, and threw the bandages across the room. I stood there in silence, watching him, with his legs dangling off the edge of his bed and his face hidden behind the bend of his elbow. “What, you just going to stand over there?”

I came closer, until I stood beside the bed. “What am I supposed to do?”

“How about,” he said and took his arm away from his face, “you patch me up?”

“Just like that?”

He rolled his eyes. “We fucked, Jason. There’s nothing you can get what you don’t already have.”

“Thanks for the reminder,” I answered with a huff. “But that’s not what I meant.”

“I don’t care what you meant. Just do it.”

I sighed, and looked between the cabinets and Vaas. He had closed his eyes, and I took my time figuring out what to do. I could just change the bandages, right? But would it be enough, or would I have to do it again if Vaas wasn’t satisfied with the result?

I stepped over to the cupboards and opened them one after another to search for disinfectant. I would only do this once, so it had to be decent enough for him to let me off the hook. After a while I found it, along with a package of disposable gloves, a fresh set of bandages and another gauze pad. I went back to the bed without a word, and Vaas seemed very much content with that. He had his eyes closed again, and I felt strangely safe without him watching me. I put on the gloves.

“So,” he finally said, “you didn’t answer my question.”

“Which one?” The pungent smell of the disinfectant rose to my nose when I opened the lid and poured something over a pad.

“You’re really not that smart, are you?” I didn’t acknowledge the taunt; instead I cast a glance at the pirate, sprawled over the bed, and wondered how the hell I was gonna do that. I couldn’t just… like… stand between his legs, which were still hanging off the bed, right? Hesitantly I positioned myself next to his thighs and pushed them to the side so I would have enough room to work without too much body contact.

I glanced at the disinfectant-soaked pad in my hand.

And that was when I realized I had no idea what I was supposed to do.

“I know Citra died,” Vaas continued, and hissed when I pressed the pad to the wound to clean it off the blood. “But did you kill her?”

At least I wouldn’t have to focus too much on the task when I was talking. “No. Yes. I don’t know…” He looked at me questioningly, so I went on. “It was an accident. I disobeyed her command. When one of her-… someone of the tribe attacked me for it, she stepped between us and…”

“Sacrificed herself,” Vaas finished and I nodded. I didn’t dare to look him in the eye; instead I wiped away the rest of the blood. He had to be furious. Citra was his sister, after all. I was sure he would let me pay for what I had done, until his whole body started shaking. For a second I thought he was having some kind of seizure, until I looked up at his face and saw him burst into laughter. His voice echoed off the room’s walls, and at the same time he gave a wince of pain. “Fuck, that hurts,” he said and reached for his wound. I caught his hand before he could touch it. “Fuck,” he swore again, still laughing, “Now, this is irony.”

I didn’t know what he meant, but then again, I wouldn’t ask either. I put the pad aside, the wound now relatively clean again. Carlos, or some other doctor, might need to have a look at it again. His skin was colored in dark bruises, and with the wound reopened I figured it could get infected pretty quickly.

Well, maybe he would die a miserable death, then.

When I had opened the package of the gauze pad, he had calmed down again. “I think you can count yourself lucky, Snow White.”

“And why’s that?” I pressed the cloth against his skin. “Hold this.”

He pressed his hand against the gauze. “If you ask me, sooner or later she would have asked you for something you’re not ready to give.”

“She already did,” I answered without thinking while I opened the package of the bandage. “Sit up.” Vaas sat up straight with a groan and I pulled the gloves off my hands.

He made a thoughtful noise. “Like what?”

I couldn’t hold back the laugh. “You mean besides the obvious?” I would have to wrap the bandage around his torso, and this meant I had to get _really_ close. Oh fuck it. I stepped between his legs, unraveled one end of the gauze and slipped it under Vaas’ hand and over the wound’s dressing. “She took advantage of me, and she used my friends for it.” I felt a sudden pang of anger, and this was weird, because even when she had tied my friends down and tried to make me kill them, the only thing I had felt was fear, and with it the wish to convince her that this wasn’t necessary. The anger was new, but welcomed. It made being this close to the pirate leader easier. I reached around him, and our upper bodies nearly touched when I grabbed the roll with my other hand.

When I pulled back, his eyes found mine. “She gets under your skin, right?” Vaas asked.

“Yeah. Must be running in the family.” I didn’t realize I was going to say that until it was already out. I froze in place.

From the corner of my eyes, I could see his grin, but fortunately he didn’t say anything. The moment passed, and Vaas leaned back a little so I could finish the dressing. “That’s one way to put it. Hand me these.” He pointed at the painkillers he had taken from one of the cabinets and put on the counter. I used a stripe of tape to fasten the bandage, then got the painkillers and threw the package to him. While I was leaning against the counter, he took a couple of pills in his hand and swallowed them dry.

“For the risks and side effects read the using information or ask your doctor or local drug dealer,” I mumbled, and he at least found it amusing, judging by the noise he made. So that’s what staying on Vaas good side felt like? Or… rather his better side. Interesting.

“Very funny,” he said and lowered himself to the bed again with a groan. He closed his eyes, and for a while I just stood there. I thought he had fallen asleep when he suddenly moved again and reached into his pocket. “Here,” he mumbled and held something out to me. It was a key. “Look for that fucker… what was his name? Benjamin. Then go back to your cell, let him lock you up, and tell him to bring the key back to me.”

He dropped the key into my outstretched hand. “Really?” I asked, eyebrows raised.

Vaas gave me a sideward glance. “You rather wish to be put on the leash and tied to my bed?”

“Of course not,” I shook my head.

“Well, then hurry the fuck up, Snow White. If the key’s not back in my pocket within five minutes, I’m gonna turn every stone on this fucking island until I’ve found your Californian ass, dragged you back to this camp and cut your balls into so many tiny pieces that you can use them as a jigsaw puzzle.”

* * *

 

 

He left me in my cell for three days.

On the first day, I was just confused. Somehow I had assumed that from now on I was allowed to get out, but when a pirate I didn’t know showed up in the basement with food and water and not a single word about anything, I knew that I was wrong. Maybe Vaas was still recovering, or maybe he wasn’t there. Carlos wouldn’t be able to visit me either, provided that he even wanted to after what I’d done to him. ‘So it is alone time then’, I thought as I sat down next to the bars.

The heat got worse the second day. The pirate who had brought my food the day before came down the stairs every few hours to ensure I had enough water. I figured it wasn’t so bad being locked up down here; after all, it had to be much worse directly under the sun. I was sweating without even moving, and while I was lying shirtless on the cool concrete floor, I wondered if Vaas maybe had lost interest in me. After all, I was hardly the warrior who blew up his camps anymore.

In the night leading up to the third day, I suffered from a panic attack. I shook, couldn’t breathe, and the room wouldn’t stop spinning. I was dying, but there was not enough air in my lungs to call for help. This was it, Vaas would leave me here, and I would die alone without anyone noticing until it was too late. It felt like hours before I could breathe normally again, and the shaking continued even longer. I pulled my legs up to my chest and hugged my knees, too afraid to cry because of the lack of air.

The pirate came and went in the morning, and I was alone. What if Vaas was dead? What if the overdose of painkillers had killed him? He had to have a much higher tolerance than this, hadn’t he? It couldn’t be…

I wondered what that would mean to me. The pirates would have no use for me. Surely they would figure that out soon enough. I was a waste of resources, and once they realized that, someone would come down here and kill me. Or maybe they would starve me to death, or stop giving me water. Maybe Vaas was still alive, and that was his plan. Wait for my begging and crying to put me out of my misery?

I wouldn’t ask. I swore to myself not to ask about what was going on. I wouldn’t talk to them, wouldn’t let them know how much I was suffering.

I had been down here for much longer, I had suffered much more. _I would not break._

On the fourth day, the pirate came down with food and water, along with a water bucket and fresh clothes. He put everything down in my cell and left.

He’d let the door open.


End file.
